SAY IT WITH ME - PORN

Today the founders of XXXchurch.com made the trek from California to speak to the conservative southern folks of Franklin, TN. The news media swarmed in, the crowds gathered and the edgy wake-up call to be honest about porn was sounded.

So permit me to be honest.

When I was thirteen I sat in Tony's bedroom one night for more than three hours, staring at a frozen screen, waiting for a picture of a naked celebrity to download from a BBS (Bulletin Board Server). The BBS was a lo-tech pre-internet system of "sites" with no graphics. Just lists of files for the taking. The truth is we had no idea exactly what we were getting when we downloaded a file. "XXX", "hardcore", "nude" - these were our only clues as to what would be would revealed once transferred onto Tony's massive archaic computer.

Tony and I were good kids too. We went to church twice a week, prayed, went to youth camp. We even admitted to each other, through tears, the horrible guilt felt from our downloading together...but we didn't stop. We were hooked.

And it had all started by accident. Tony accidentally downloaded a pornographic image one day thinking it was a game file and then showed it to me - and then we downloaded more files together - and then hardcore files - and then I saw some Playboys at another friends house - and then I stole a Playboy from a convenience store - and then I watched a porn on a hotel room TV on a church choir trip. Had there been an internet and cables modems back then there's no telling what the next "and then" would have been.

I still see those images from Tony's screen and the hotel TV in my mind. I can't wipe them from my mental hard drive. Some have grown blurry but others still haunt in full detail.

Today was a day of gratitude for the people in my life who pulled me out of my porn habit. And it was a day of praying God would use XXXchurch and Christians everywhere to do the same for others. It was also a day of being amazed at God's ability to love me and live through me as dirty as I was. It's good to be reminded of what a screw-up I am from time to time, be reminded of my potential to sin by remembering the past. It keeps me from getting proud and keeps me careful. Remembering my mistakes back then makes me never travel alone, never watch TV alone, and filter my internet service with a program whose password I don't know. I'm reminded today that porn is dangerous and more rampant and available then it was when I was thirteen. So I'm to be careful while remembering God's ability to forgive and make right everything I screw-up.

Now the advice you didn't ask for. I'm a pastor. It's what I do.

If you look at porn please get help. XXXchurch.com has numerous resources to aid you. Beyond that consider downloading their software X3WATCH available for free on their site. Once installed, every 14 days it sends a list of the sites you visit to an accountability partner you choose via e-mail. None of your personal viewing habits are recorded anywhere else for anyone else to see. Beyond the software please talk to a counselor or pastor about your struggle with porn and stay committed and honest to at least one person, preferably a group, whom you can talk to regularly about this problem of yours. Last, pray and feed your mind God's values while avoiding those temptations you've fallen for in the past. That might mean no TV and no internet but that's a small price to pay. Through all of these measures constantly remind yourself that God's grace is called amazing because it persists in spite of all the screwing-up we do.

Ministers, and I know there are some reading this, be honest. Bring the guys from xxxchurch.com to your church to speak if you don't talk about this subject yourself, publicize their site, use their software to help those you counsel with this addiction. Say it with me - "porn". There. Was that so difficult? Now, stand up in front of your people and say it again. This time use it in a powerful sentence that will change lives with hope - "God loves you even if you look at porn."

Got thoughts? Discuss this SHLOG on my message-board