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2/17/2006

TWO WEEKS AGO TODAY: PROOF IN INDIANA

I've done my best to reduce my arduous mysterious plunge from faith and stability into doubt and debilitating depression - and the climb out - into posts here. But in doing so I'm sure I've led you to believe I have a grip on exactly what happened, why and how. I don't. My story is full of holes only the words "I don't know" seem to fill. And that uncertainty is beautiful. It happened - I died and came back again - and that's all I know for sure. It happened.

Like the man basted by his skeptical inquisitors, the one who walked away from Jesus gushing about the color green and laughing at the glitzy shimmer of the lake, all I can say is "All I know for sure is I was blind and now I can see."

I can see.

And whereas I was blinded by the fools and foibles bearing the name "Christian" before, today, while I know we're a dysfunctional religious family, I'm seeing the wonder and worth in us. I wanted us to be the proof. i NEEDED us to be the proof. I prayed we would be. And maybe - I don't know - but maybe my soul squinted so hard, I stared so intently, I searched so hopefully for the proof in us that my eyes got stronger. It's everywhere. The proof. As tripped up as we Christians are at times we're still somehow leaving a trail of bread crumbs through the forests we stumble through, a trail leading to God.

I first caught the trail two weeks ago today. Friday in Indiana. After my emotional and spiritual baggage was rifled through and disposed of I packed a suitcase and picked Brian up for the long drive to Indiana. I was playing atTaylor University as part of the World Vision sponsored AIDS summit for members of the college based organization Acting On AIDS.

The glorified coffeehouse that held the crowd was humming with heroism. Here, culled from the generation that birthed and blessed the celebrity of Paris Hilton and is said to be collectively slumping for apathetic hour after hour in front of reality TV and X-Boxes, sat 400 bread crumbs to the Jesus who came to restore sight to the blind, free prisoners and release the oppressed. Proof.

They gave up a weekend and untallied hours year round to feed the poor, medicate the sick, pray with the hopeless. I played for them, in tribute to them and the God they proved to be real. It is not natural for humans, college aged humans perhaps especially, to be drawn outside themselves, their own daily dramas and aspirations, to sacrifice for the good of strangers on the other side of the world. This was proof.

And the next day a classroom across campus filled up to hear me talk about what Jesus meant by "kingdom of heaven" and what their allegiance to it required of them. They listened intently and took notes, asked tremendously insightful and inspiring questions and shared their stories and solutions with each other and me. And all this on a Saturday morning. College students in a classroom learning how to bring heaven to earth on a Saturday morning.

Proof. Beautiful bread crumbs of proof.

I see it now.


TO READ THE ENTIRE "TWO WEEKS AGO TODAY" SERIES FOLLOW THE LINKS BELOW:
TWO WEEKS AGO TODAY: FRIDAY
TWO WEEKS AGO TODAY: SATURDAY
TWO WEEKS AGO TODAY: SUNDAY
TWO WEEKS AGO TODAY: MONDAY
TWO WEEKS AGO TODAY: TUESDAY
TWO WEEKS AGO TODAY: WEDNESDAY
TWO WEEKS AGO TODAY: WEDNESDAY Pt.2

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