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"Evangelicals believe in many things: the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, church attendance, homeschooling, Fox News, abstinence, personal holiness, toupees, leisure suits, mission work, Dockers, golf, spanking, and dinner, early and often. But the natural starting point for identifying evangelicals by their beliefs is with their best known doctrine: hell" From the hilariously true new book "A Field Guide To Evangelicals And Their Habitat"

The author Joel Kilpatrick, creator of Lark News, goes on to explain that this belief in hell and the imminent return of Jesus drives evangelicals to engage in tract distribution, televangelizing and other behaviors in an effort to "rescue" people from hell. He admits this "fixation" with hell can seem a bit violent to outsiders but explains:

"...from a sociological point of view, believing in hell is thought to be less violence-inducing than believing in heaven. Members of some religions go on suicide runs, thinking they will earn a vaunted position in heaven, including dozens of "extra virgins." In contrast, evangelicals don't want anyone to die until they have received Jesus [except, he notes later, "perhaps death row inmates, abortionists, truculent Arabs, Democrats, homosexuals and ACLU members"]. There is no reward in evangelical theology for killing other people, and there hasn't been since about 1270 A.D. (The reward for enslaving people also ran out, in about 1865, and in some southern states in 1972.)"

And in case you're not clear on who's going and who's not, a chart (click to enlarge):

Read more from "A Field Guide To Evangelicals And Their Habitat" right here. Or just buy it.



Blogger Stephen said...

Wow! That's awesome. I'll definitely have to pick it up.

It looks like it would be a good companion book to Matthew Paul Turner's "The Christian Culture Survival Guide".

Anonymous nick liao said...

wonderful - thank you for sharing.

Anonymous ALLALOM Music said...

that was really great. thanks for sharing... I think I might have to check out that book.

Anonymous Bradley Davis said...

that's amazing. I love it. I'll have to give it to my Dad (a preacher) for his birthday! Thanks!

Blogger Kathy said...

This was just how I was raise! I emailed it to my brother. He will laugh as I did!

I will have to buy it!

Blogger DissonanceIsBliss said...

I love Lark News, so I'll have to pick this up. It reminds me of The Christian Culture Survival Guide by Matthew Paul Turner, only more satirical.


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