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What a waste of talent. You've got a crappy Xanga blog! It's 2006! There are more fish in the sea, you're better than that, and other cliches as well.

Hosting a blog as well-written, hilarious and profound as yours on Xanga is like marrying a supermodel off to the likes of Billy Joel, Rod Stewart or Rick Ocasek. You could do worse of course. But you're doing badly enough that total strangers point and ask louder than they realize, "What the?" as you stroll along the information superhighway completely obvious to how badly mismatched the two of you are.

I'm not bashing you here, Brant, or your partner; just taunting you publicly in hopes that you'll break out of your unequally yoked-ness, divorce that inferior ugly duckling Xanga and hitch up with the kind of leggy super hottie you deserve. How about just dating or even making out a little withTypepad, Blogger, Wordpress or Moveable Type? You know if you blog with any of these Technorati will take notice, point and scream loudly to her millions of friends, "Oh my gosh! Did you see who Brant's with? You, like so have to check him out!" She does that sort of thing. I've seen it. Next thing you know you've got a picket fence, a golden retriever and a little plot of page rank up on a hill in a neighborhood called "Influence."

God knows we could sure use more of your kind in that community. We've got plenty of neighbors around here with billion decibel bullhorns and nothing much to say.

I'm a simple man, brant. All I want is universal access to your rants for all inhabitants of earth. You know it's not just your wife and three friends who could use some golden insights and laughs like these:

"I don't think lots of people agree with me on this. I sense this, because lots of people say, "I don't agree with you on this." I've got antennae for subtlety like that. I pick up on things." - from "Ticking People Off"

"Your Listener is an Idiot. And I know this is true, because I've listened to enough Christian radio. I figure we on-air people know our listener best, and a lot of us are consistently treating her like an idiot, ergo she's an idiot. Apparently, we think the Christian radio listener needs everything explained. So make sure you make it obvious when you're being funny. She needs it explained that you're "just kidding". That way she knows: you were kidding! She's not very bright, so it relieves her to know that was just a joke! Whew! J/K! You may want to fake some laughter, too." - from "Krusty Spirit of Radio"

"I'm judging a culture that takes it for granted that we're supposed to have a very, very high standard of living. The idea of driving an old car, or living in a slightly cramped, older house with only one bathroom, not buying a nice TV - that's just out of the question for many. Let's be honest about it. I think we then retro-fit many choices like how we raise our children based on our material expectations...Smart, wise, discerning parents aren't all going to home-school. The question isn't, ultimately, "Where did your kids go to school?" It's "What did you value as a parent?" And that's not measured by what we say, but what we actually do." -from Interview With Me: Homeschooling"

Now I WOULD listen to Christian radio if every DJ talked like THIS on the air. Must be why you recently won an award for being the best on-air personality in your station's genre. Congrats, Brant. Really, way to go. Someone out there obviously likes what you have to say and how you say it. Now, how about saying it on a blog people can actually find out about and benefit from?

Hugs and kisses,

Shaun Groves
Internet Consultant/Thorn in the Side


Blogger bdg.theTRu said...

that's some tough love right there...

peace... love... bdg...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shaun, thank you for the encouragement from afar.

I don't know how to work fancy blog-things. I'm a simple country boy.

More importantly, and at the distinct risk of sounding shlocky: I want to be more like you, in how you are a) opinionated, but b) graceful, and c) an encourager, in spite of your own admitted insecurites. It's really pretty remarkable, and, I think, ultimately speaks well of what Jesus can do with a broken somebody.

I'd like to be repaired in a similar fashion.


Blogger Shaun Groves said...

Blogger is easy and free.

You are a kiss up whose only goal at the moment is to get me on your morning show free of charge. No kind words necessary - just a Chick-fil-A breakfast burrito and a large Dr.Pepper.

Seriously, thank you for the kind words and for giving us something good to read in the blogosphere.


Blogger introriff said...

A message from Xanga this AM:

Xanga will be down today from 7 am - 2 pm EST, as we move our servers to a new network facility (we ran out of room in our old one). We're loading a few hundred servers onto a truck, driving them across the Hudson River, and reassembling them in New Jersey. We'll get the site up and running again as soon as we can!

Thanks for your patience,
The Xanga Team

I sure hope they don't have a flat tire on the truck.

Blogger Paula said...

And if Brant moves to blogger, then we can all comment easier. It took me forever to sign up to Xanga, and now I've forgotten my log on details anyway....AND, I don't think I can subscribe to Brant's fantastic musings on bloglines 'cause he uses Xanga...


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