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Dear guitar thief,

I'm writing in hopes that you return my beautiful Yamaha CPX15 West acoustic/electric guitar to me pictured here. And if you could do that before my string of gigs that start Wednesday, I'd be even more appreciative. I'm hoping I guess that you just borrowed her, just to write a song or hang on your wall so your date Saturday would think you wrote songs or something, and maybe you just forgot to bring her back when your date was over or your song or whatever it was you were doing with her. I don't want to know. Anyway, I'm reminding you to return her now.

She belongs here with me. She was given to me by Yamaha a few years ago and since then we've seen just about all of this great nation and much of the world together. I'm not co-dependent or anything. I mean, I know I don't NEED her, I'm still a whole man without her you know but there's still a small acoustic guitar shaped hole in me now that I fear will never be filled again. Yea, Yamaha could probably send me a new one or I can play her twin sister the CPX15 North (though her input jack is busted and she's not as pretty) and my insurance company would gladly "replace" her but can something so close to a man ever truly be replaced?

And, man, what did we ever do to you? We were just minding our own business, playing together in the front yard while the neighbor kids sang along and danced. Then we took a little break for dinner - I went in the house and she stayed in her case propped against the wall of our garage, in the shade...in the safe cool shade. And you, sometime later when I was inside eating with my family or giving my kids a bath, before I closed the garage door and locked her up tight for the night, crept out of the shadows and kidnapped her. Jerk. Big fat jerk. Big fat probably Alvarez playing jerk.

OK, wait a minute, I didn't mean to call you that. I'm sure you had your reasons for doing what you did. I just need to calm down I guess. Maybe you just wondered what it would be like to hold something so beautiful and run your fingers down her neck. I can't really blame you for that. Can I? Maybe you had an empty place you thought she could fill but, man, no matter what you tell yourself you've got to know deep down inside that she'll never truly be yours. She can't be. She's mine. Love like hers can't be stolen, it can only be begged for by professional rock stars like me and then given to us for free in exchange for publicity photos with her and a short personally written endorsement to be placed in advertisements.

So, come to your senses. Maybe I could talk to Yamaha for you and help you get a beauty of your own. What do you say? Can I have her back now?

Yours truly,
Shaun Groves


Anonymous Los said...

Dude. That sucks. I live in the ghetto and still have all mu guitars. Sorry.

Blogger Seth Ward said...

Hey, you can borrow my Alvarez. maybe you should put up some flyers in the hood.

Blogger hal. said...

Aw, man :( That sucks. I hope they return her.

Blogger Kathryn said...

yikes! well, i guess when its just sitting out there. . it was very tempting. blah. . thieves!!!

Blogger Pat Callahan said...

Ouch! Someone kidnapped your lovely lady! That is just plain low.

I am feeling your pain!


Blogger GrovesFan said...

You LEFT HER OUTSIDE?! Even for one minute, in the case, in the shade?! I can't believe you would treat this fine lady this way! I hope she forgives you and that you can reconcile when and if she's returned. Never do that again! BTW, didn't you tell me the Alvarez we got for Alex is a good one? What's up with that? He'd be crushed to think that you are dissin' his axe.


See you on the 21st.

Anonymous andrew said...

dude. that's happened to me a couple times. Not outside my house, but a whole trailer in our bass player's apartment complex, so I feel you like none other. if you need a guitar for that string of dates, just send me an e-mail or give me a call. I've got a couple sitting in the garage I'm not using for a while and you're welcome to them. (they were free, too...)

Blogger Shaun Groves said...

Beth, Alvarez is fine, but just not my Yamaha. Just not the same.

Thanks, Andrew. I'm going to get a broken guitar of mine fixed and use it instead this week. We'll see how that goes.

Blogger Adam Haynes said...

well, compassion filled my heart, hearing of your sorrow and your void.....right up until..

"probably Alvarez playing jerk"

there's nothing like feeling sorry for a guy that just insulted your own "lady". i'll get over it...someday. in the mean time, i'll pray for her safe return and for the reconciliation that will obviously be needed...brought upon by this malignant neglect of leaving her alone in the garage.

i would never do that to my precious Alvarez. :)


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