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The thought of being naked before a stranger terrifies me. But not as much as being naked while a stranger sticks dozens of needles into my backside. And that level of fear doesn't begin to compare to my feelings the moment a needle wielding stranger said to a naked me yesterday, "Hold on while I connect the electricity to a few of these."

Hold on? Where am I going? Where DOES one go naked and all, with, you know, dozens of needles sticking out of one's back and butt? And what would one say to the no doubt bewildered gawkers when one arrived where one was going? "I'm sorry for my prickly appearance and general lack of apparel but you see I was stepping into the shower a little while ago when I remembered I hadn't cleaned that blow gun I picked up on my last trip to the Amazon basin in quite some time. Needless to say something went horribly awry shortly thereafter. I ran here seeking your assistance. Is anyone skilled with tweezers?"

So hold on I did. And boy am I glad. There's nothing quite as invigorating as several volts of electricity zipping into fleshy butt cheeks through forests of tiny needles - I've always said. In fact there are many days I wake up and gleefully greet my family with, "Hey, you know what I could sure go for right about now? A little pick me up. A little jump start to my day. Somebody grab the sewing kit and a spool of wire and meet me at that wall socket in the den. Let's party!"

Of course I've never said that. Who would? Who sits around brainstorming medical remedies and comes up with this? "I've got it! Here's what we do. Alright, we stick a bunch of needles into people, hook those needles up to a car battery, put on that John Tesh in Asia CD my no taste mom bought me for graduation and - here's the kicker - they pay us to." Who would think of such a thing?

The Chinese.

Brilliant. Terrifyingly so.

And you know something, as odd as it was - even on my fourth visit - I have to admit it works..at least for me.

So tomorrow I'm going to see this Vietnamese lady downtown who, for only $100, promises she'll shove slivers of bamboo under my toe nails while making me watch Gaither Homecoming videos. Can't wait.


Blogger GrovesFan said...

Sounds strange, but beneficial too. I hope they tell you to gain some weight. You're starting to resemble your mike stand more and more every day! Bulk up man, it's summer and your cruise is only months away!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bu-bu-but...DID I MISS SOMETHING?!!! Why are you...acupuncture?! WHYYYYYY?!! Okay let me step back here. To what disorder are we having to disrobe our body and let folks stick stuff in us for?! HMMMM? *raises eyebrow* Is your cold really THAT bad? Send your wife to bath and body works for a jar of the cold ans sinus cubes and you'll be better in a wiff of opening the jar. I swear on my life...that is if it's the cold.
Why are you getting acupuncture again?

Blogger Rachel said...

Oh my. Foot reflexology is where I draw the line, really. I just wouldn't be able to bring myself to combine needles and electricity (and cheesy entertainment, mind you) for the sake of feeling better.

Fascinating, but not for me. I'm slightly surprised that you've gone through with it, but I'm glad it's working. :)

Take care, Shaun.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have wanted to try that for years, but never really knew of a reason to do it. For some reason it sounds totally refreshing. I will get numbers from you. Perhaps even join you some time. wait, i forgot about the whole naked thing... nevermind.

Anonymous ichthusonmyfoot said...

Thank you, Shaun for giving me the heeblie-geeblies before I head to bed. Enjoy that procedure tomorrow! <>< Amy

Blogger Shaun Groves said...

Brody, I can hook you up. I've tried two people in the Nashvegas area. Even they say it doesn't work for everyone, and one said skinny-ness actually helps it work better (??), but it does work for me. We will talk.

Blogger Kathryn said...

hilarious! I've had this done. . in my neck and upper back though, so only half naked. It didn't work so well for me. . They'd put those needles in my neck and my neck muscles would force the needles back out. It hurt. I hated it just that way, and then when they got me wired for sound. . eeeeuh. . that was just not fun and I didn't even have any muzak to listen to :(

LOL at your last comment!!!!

Blogger Scooby said...

Last comment....in tears...laughing...almost fell out of my chair....

Blogger JOEY_MCFARLAND said...

Sounds cool! I gotta try that! Seriously.


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